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    A dark and stormy night: the perfect time to tamper with the universe's laws. Or so Celestia thought to herself. She couldn't explain why, despite her long years, but something just felt... right... about the whole thing. Maybe years of loneliness had finally driven her off the deep end? No, she was still quite sane. It wasn't like she was totally alone either. Sure, she had grovelling servants at her beck and call, but they were always far too formal for her tastes.

  "Dear sister," Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, Regent of the Sun spoke to a dusty old painting on the wall. "In twenty short years, you will return with well-deserved indignation. Curse Nightmare for twisting you like he did!" She slammed a hoof into the wall, knocking the picture of the smiling alicorn off balance. She frowned slightly and nudged it back into place with her muzzle.

  The ancient mare closed her eyes and sighed, inhaling the scent of the oils from the painting as she breathed. "Don't you worry though; your big sister has a plan." A curt, and frankly creepy, smile spread across her face, thankful no pony was up at this time of night. Turning away from the face of her little sister, she began to trot down the hall, humming a happy tune to herself that echoed off the hallowed halls of Canterlot.

  For years now, she had been reading up on a series of ancient and complicated spells. She had memorized all the steps, all the requirements, everything she would need. It would be much easier if she could get a volunteer, but she didn't like the idea of destroying a living pony for her own selfish needs. Besides, not just anypony would do. No commoner could ever hope to help her beloved little sister.

  Trotting downstairs, past the darkest, most dank dungeon she possessed, she came to a dead-end. With a pink glow of her horn, the stone turned to wood and yielded to her, swinging open to reveal more stairs, leading to the lowest level of Canterlot. Torches magically came to life, illuminating the winding staircase as she descended. The air down here was musky and cool despite the summer's heat, cold enough for her to see her own breath as she came to the bottom.

  She felt a chill that had nothing to do with the temperature as she clopped her way into the dark, dim room. Down here, she had stored the most evil of tomes and the worst of all spells she could find. Normally, she wouldn't dare step hoof down here, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Her mane and tail wafted in the omnipresent solar wind, hoofsteps echoing off the walls as she gathered the supplies.

  A bucket of clay, a pail of water, a sculptor's chisel: all would be used to finish her creation. Using her magic, the princess of the sun unlocked a cupboard and levitated her masterpiece in the centre of the room. Years of hard work and patience were about to come to a head, at long last. Sure, she was no Pony d'Angelo: that much was for certain. Still, she beamed at her creation and hoped for it to beam back at her.

  She was a unicorn mare made of naught but clay, with a straight and orderly mane and tail. It had taken the princess the better part of a century to get her this far, learning all about sculpting the entire way. In some ways, she would miss her little hobby, but in others she would be happy to finally finish her off once and for all. Celestia hummed to herself as she worked, giving the mare some more definition in her face, etching lines in her cheek from her smiling face.

  In her mind, she imagined the little unicorn springing to life, hugging her like the mother she never had. Well, actually, she would be her mother anyway, so it all worked out nicely. A chuckle and a smile snuck past her lips at the thought, warmth spreading through her body that steeled her from the chill of the room. Bit by bit, the chunks of soft clay fell onto the floor at her hooves, the utensils moving to her magical whims.

  Tonight would be the night; she could feel it. After about an hour of combing over the unicorn's details, the princess stepped back to admire her work. If it weren't for the clay, a pony could mistake her for being real; just as she hoped. "I do believe you are my greatest creation, little one." Celestia spoke to her clay mare. "Even more impressive then Canterlot itself, I would say."

  The Princess beamed with more pride then when she took control of the sun from her mother those six thousand years ago. If only she could be here today to see her greatest triumph! Not only had she created a masterpiece sculpture, but soon she would create the perfect vessel for her dear Luna's spirit to be poured into. Then, she could kill Nightmare Moon with nothing to hold her back, and finally apologize for not paying enough attention to her beloved sister.

  She almost felt pity for a moment, since she would basically be creating a life for the sole purpose of dying. But then she reminded herself that the mare staring at her would have no destiny and no spirit. Celestia perked up a little bit at this rationalization. Besides, she could be honest with her so that it wouldn't hurt the filly. That would make everything morally right... right? With a shake of her head, the princess shook off the moral dilemma; she had more important things to take care of right now.

  "Right," the mover of the sun spoke. She closed her eyes in focus, the most difficult part still ahead. Out of another cupboard, a stick of white chalk floated out and began to draw an intricate archaic design on the cold stone floor. Meanwhile, a small dagger emerged from the same place, floating over lazily to its mistress. Celestia poured her heart into the chalk. If even one symbol was out of place, it could have potentially disastrous results.

  Several minutes passed as she manipulated the chalk, working it down to nothing more but a stub by the time she finished. The circle around the two figures was composed of complex sigils, meant to focus and amplify her godly magic of the sun. Not even she could create life like her great-great-grandfather, so she needed to resort to this. The white runes began to glow as the princess radiated magic into it, growing brighter and brighter still until the darkest corners of the room became lit.

  Cautiously, Princess Celestia stepped over to the clay pony, dagger drifting behind her. She smiled, still elated by her work and raised the dagger to her long forehoof. She winced slightly as she felt the cool metal blade pierce her flesh, crimson blood trickling down the tempered steel. Extracting it with a prick, she held the wound over her clay creation, and let a few drops of royal blood dribble onto her back and on her face. Satisfied, she stepped back and summoned some bandages to wrap around the voluntary wound.

  "So it begins," Celestia started, raising her voice so that it reached the top of the high vaulted ceiling. She welded her eyes shut once more in concentration, uttering an incantation in a long-dead language. Her voice echoed off the walls of the empty room, nearly throwing her concentration off as she tried to recite the complicated spell purely from memory. Her majesty expected this, as she planned everything out five steps ahead and kept countless back-ups for each plan.

  Celestia's eyes opened, her kind purple eyes replaced with an eerie white glow, obscuring them from behind a veil of magic. The magic circle became blindingly bright, but the princess remained transfixed on the clay pony. She dived deep into her body and felt the source of her magic, calling upon the sun itself. With the limitless energy of a billion explosions, her horn rocketed energy towards the inanimate pony.

  The next thing Princess Celestia knew, she was lying on the cold, damp floor of the vault, exhausted, but still able to move. Had it worked? Did she actually do it? Straining her ears she heard raspy breathing that wasn't her own, but there were groans and moans as well. A strange musk, more prominent then the usual, hung in the air. It smelled familiar, but she couldn't recall no matter how hard she tried. Her eyes fluttered open, and the sight before her eyes nearly made her vomit.

  Lying in the middle of the circle was a twitching mass of flesh and bone. It gurgled sickly as blood escaped various openings in its pink and bloodied body. The whole mass twitched with a groan that pierced the princesses' heart. Celestia pulled herself off the ground and considered the mass. It was alive, but deformed. She must have messed up the form quadrant of the circle. She took a deep breath and stepped lively around the quivering mass.

  Sure enough, she found the problem and quickly erased the offending runes before going back to where she once stood, ignoring the abomination before her. "Take two," she spoke into the nothingness before summoning her strength again. The princess found the second run through of the spell wasn't as taxing on her as the first, but still passed out after she cast it.

  This time, in the middle of the circle was a miniature version of the pony she crafted. She was a beautiful filly with a purple coat and navy blue mane, sleeping soundly and happily on the floor. Celestia could not suppress a grin that spread over her face at her success. Sure, she hoped for a full-grown unicorn and not a foal, but it was a far sight better than her first attempt. Ah well, she would grow.

  But then the gears in her brain clicked. A new fully grown Unicorn in the castle could easily be explained, but a foal? That would raise far too many questions then she found herself comfortable with. This simply wouldn't do at all, and she wasn't sure where she went wrong this time. The princess needed to act, and fast. Already, she could feel the moon getting low in the night sky.

  Thankfully for her, she knew exactly what she would do. She quickly trotted over to the sleeping foal and closed her eyes in concentration. The princess' horn came to life again and felt all over the sleeping little pony before her.  And happily, the filly contained no physical anomalies, meaning the process was a complete success despite the lack of age. Prodding into the sleeping pony, however, the princess saw something she didn't account for; the pony had overwhelming magic, where a void of spirit should have been, and would be unsuitable to hold her sister.

  Her attempt to cheat the universe had failed.

  It was too late to take it back though. This would simply have to do for now. The Princess had to make a last-minute change to her plan, but if it meant keeping her subjects safe, then so be it. Celestia concentrated one last time on the young filly, almost ready to pass out again as she was. A white light enveloped the golem-filly, her purple coat sparkling in the dimly lit room. Her spell was two-fold; one to keep her asleep and alive, the second... well, that needed to be seen.

  Using the last bit of magic she could spare, Princess Celestia teleported in a wink of light, appearing back in her royal chambers. It was almost time to lower the moon and make way for the dawn, the storm of the previous night having finally cleared. If any pony came around, she would tell them that she simply wasn't feeling well today and couldn't perform her usual duties. "Have a good day, my darling little sister," Celestia spoke as her horn glowed once more, the rest of her strength spent on raising the sun.

  Exhausted, the Princess of Equestria climbed onto her soft bed. The pillows and mattress were stuffed with solidified clouds, causing her to melt into her bed with a content sigh as the wisps of sleep quickly swept around the majestic alicorn. Glimmering in the early morning light, the frame of her gilded bed sparkled intently, meant to impress despite that few would ever see this royal sanctuary. She shut her eyes and quickly fell asleep, dreaming of the reunion with Luna, who she missed more than anything else.

~*///*///*///*~

  Over the next couple of days, the Princess became aloof and detached from her subjects. Her mind raced with methods to revise her plan, since her creation was unable to hold a spirit like she intended. It was a minor set-back, given the time she still had, even if it wasn't a lot to a being like her. Eventually, she settled on a plan, granted it was a big gamble and would leave a lot to chance. Sadly, if she wanted her Luna back, it would have to do.

  Celestia pondered hard about whom to give the unicorn foal in the basement to. They would need to be married and be close enough to her to trust with the truth.  Only two names sprung to mind as she pretended to pay attention to some random colt blathering on about... well, she had forgotten what exactly. She smiled to herself, the stallion taking it as a positive reaction to his idea, or whatever it was. It didn't matter, she could request the minutes later.

  As soon as the petitioner turned tail and left her throne room, she motioned to one of her royal messengers to approach. The colt was of strong build, boasting a yellow coat and an aqua mane. It was refreshing to see such bright colourations on ponies these days.  He bowed low as he finished climbing the steps, like all the others. "What can I do for you, your highness?" he asked.

  "Go out and find Mrs Shimmer Tail and Mr Night Wind," Princess Celestia started. "Tell them to meet me in my office as soon as possible. They are residents of Canterlot and reside at number thirty-five Oat Crescent."

  The messenger quirked a brow at the odd request, since the princess rarely summoned ponies who did not already reside in the castle. Still, despite the confusion, an order was an order and with another bow, he replied, "It will be done, your majesty." With that, he too turned tail and left the throne room.

  With all of her appointments finished for the day, the Princess retired to her office for the night. Along the way, an advisor trotted along-side, and slightly behind her, briefing her on the latest news from Parliament. She played nice and pretended to care what he had to say, but in reality her mind was elsewhere. It wasn't long before she and her small entourage came to her study. "If you'll excuse me, I wish to be alone for now," she spoke to the advisor. He gave a quick bow and trotted off, hoof steps echoing as he went.

  She opened the wooden double doors with her magic and stepped inside her office. The room, on first entry, proved uncharacteristically dark, red velvet curtains drawn across three massive windows on the opposite wall. As she stepped beyond the threshold of door, the curtains sprung open, bathing the room in the afternoon light of the sun. In front of the windows sat the focal point of the room; a large, darkly stained desk made of a long-extinct wood. Carved into the legs on the sides were figures of all the different kinds of ponies, and anything related to the sun.

  Celestia rounded the desk, one of the few things in this world older then her, and sat behind it, examining the room in a passing glance. A marble fireplace sat to her left in the middle of the room, not as intricate as the desk, but still rather impressive in the designs on the face. On top of it sat many pictures in gilded frames, some of them rather horrid in quality, but she loved them all the same.  Of every student she ever had, the princess would select the best drawing they made and mount it so that she could always see it and remember them.

  Along the walls of the office sat portraits of family members; her mother and father, and all the previous Regents of the Sun. Missing from the collection was a picture of her dear sister, but having her in here would distract her from her work. Along the sides of the room sat countless drawers for paperwork and other various tools she needed for her trade. The walls themselves were a bright, yet bearable yellow and the floor carpeted in royal blue.

  On top of the ancient desk, Celestia liked to keep it relatively clean. Most of the space was dedicated to papers in her "to-do" pile and others in her "finished" pile. Other then papers, the only thing she kept on her desk lay a bottle of ink and a quill. The desk was for business, the rest of the room could have personal flare to it. In front of the desk sat a small coffee table the princess kept mainly for visitors to place drinks or various other items they brought with them. Today, however, a vase with a single sunflower in it sat on the small table.

  All too soon, a rapping came upon her door, she could gather a guess, but etiquette demanded she at least ask. "Yes, what is it?" Celestia spoke to the oak doors.

  "Mrs Shimmer Tail and Mr Night Wind to see you, your highness," the guard replied.

  "Show them in," the princess finished, straightening the piles of papers and laying down her quill hastily.  The two unicorns showed themselves inside and bowed to her. The female of the pair had a white coat, although not as bright as hers, with baby blue eyes and a two-tone mane of white and purple. Her flank bore the mark of three purple stars while her husband bore the mark of two crescent moons, the smaller inside the larger. The stallion sported amber eyes, a deep blue coat that reminded her somewhat of her sister, and a deeper blue mane.

  The pair looked, quite frankly, confused by her summon and rightly so. As soon as the door shut, the princess closed the curtains, activating a spell that would trap all sound inside the room, the fireplace springing to life. The two looked a little startled by the sudden bursts of magic, but sat in front of the desk, flanking the coffee table. "I'm so glad you could both come on such short notice," Princess Celestia started. "I'm sorry if I startled you, but this is a sensitive matter. It must not leave this room and, in fact, cannot even be discussed between the two of you once you leave. Understood?"

  The mare and the colt looked stunned for a second, but quickly nodded their heads in understanding. "So, why did you call us here, Princess?" The colt of the pair asked.

  "I will make a long story short," the princess started. "A couple of nights ago, I tried something I shouldn't have. I created life through magical means for an important purpose. However, things didn't go quite as planned. I planned to make a grown mare, but instead I obtained a newborn foal. I know you and Shimmer here are trustworthy, so I'm hoping you'd take this foal in and raise her like your own."

  The mare looked wide-eyed when the princess finished her spiel and looked at her husband, considering. Although no words passed between the two, Celestia could tell they debated in silence and she kept it for them. Before long, Shimmer Tail spoke. "We're not sure if we're ready, or able to raise a foal, Princess. I mean, we're flattered you thought of us, but we're not sure if we can do it."

  "I have faith in you both. Besides, sooner or later, I expect this foal to discover and become very interested in magic. When she starts to show this potential, try to enroll her at the academy and you won't have to worry about her anymore," the Regent of the Sun replied.

  "Well..." the mare spoke. "I suppose we could grow to love her." She cast a nervous glance at her husband who nodded in confirmation.

  "Excellent," the princess nodded. Her eyes closed as her horn dazzled for a brief moment. "When you get home, you'll find the filly asleep in a cradle. I turned your spare room into her room, if you don't mind. Please, it's important that you take good care of her."

  "We will, your majesty," the colt voiced and nodded. Together, the two backed out of her study, the curtains still drawn.

  "Remember, you can't discuss this. Not even between yourselves once you leave this room. Understand?" She smiled as the two unicorns nodded in reply. Celestia's horn glowed once more as the curtains opened and the door unlocked, the new adoptive parents off to say hello to their new daughter. At last, the princess breathed a sigh of relief. She'd be free of worrying about that little mass in the darkest basement of the castle.

~*///*///*///*~

  Days and weeks quickly turned into months and years for the ancient alicorn as she continued down her slow river of life. It only seemed like yesterday that she became re-united with the small unicorn she created, given the name 'Twilight Sparkle' by her adoptive parents. Now that she had her under her watchful gaze, the princess glowed when she realized how good a student she was and how hard she aimed to please her.

  Celestia sat in the bathtub, enjoying a good bubble bath, and a trashy novel. Call it a guilty little pleasure, but she had grown fond of those stories, just like how she had grown fond of her gol... of her student. The warm water released the tension in her muscles, allowing her to feel more relaxed than she had in ages. She deserved a little time to herself, especially since the next day would be the eve of the one thousandth Summer Sun Celebration.

  Feeling extremely relaxed, the princess closed her eyes and let herself sink further into the tub, muzzle barely above the surface of the bubbly water. Suddenly, a wisp of green smoke nosily entered her bathroom and appeared before her in the form of a letter. The princess managed to catch the scroll before it landed in the water with her magic, emerging from the pleasantly warm water with a sigh.

  Twilight was a wonderful student, but sometimes she could simply be too nosey for her own good. Unfurling the letter, the princess wondered what in this world simply couldn't wait.

  My dearest teacher, the letter started.

  My continuing studies of pony magic have lead me to discover that... something really bad is about to happen. For you see, the mythical Mare in the Moon is, in fact, Nightmare Moon, and she's about to return to Equestria and bring with her eternal night. Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true! I await your quick response.

  Your faithful student,

  Twilight Sparkle.


  Celestia attributed the first sentence to Spike's lack of vocabulary, as something more like 'threshold' or 'precipice' suited her student more. Still, it made her beam at just how easily she managed to connect the dots about the story of the Elements of Harmony and the Mare in the Moon. Never mind how she figured out just how close her release was. Normally, she'd let something like this stew, at least until her bath finished, but this time, she summoned a new scroll, quill and ink and sent her a hasty reply to stop nosing in those dusty old books.

  It was about time that Twilight joined the other bearers of the Elements of Harmony in Ponyville. She tried to relax again, but the princess found she couldn't stop her mind from buzzing. Her bath utterly ruined, Celestia jumped out of the draining tub and dried off with a sigh. How could she send her early without rousing suspicion? The cogs turned again as she entered her bedroom, she could always appoint her the overseer for the preparations... yes, that would do nicely.

~*///*///*///*~

  If she was one to brag, Celestia would boast to any pony she knew about the simple elegance of her final plan. How foolish she had been when she first created that golem... when she first made Twilight. But she couldn't scold herself too much over that, as the young unicorn reminded the princess of herself when she was a few millennia younger. The princess had it all arranged so that most of the bearers would have a job to do for the celebration, and that she would have to meet them all before the day was out... except, of course for the Element of Laughter, as she would probably find Twilight on her own.

  Standing in the midst of the Ponyville Mayor's Office, the princess awaited the big event. Many would think of this as raising the sun for the small congregation, but no pony really knew her real anxiety, save one. The office was a modest little room for a modest little town, dimly lit by the moonlight. The princess of the sun could see the usual filing cabinets, calendars, papers, quills and the like scattered in their various spots of the room, this mayor obviously one for protocol and tidiness.

  Looking out the large window behind the desk, the princess watched helplessly as the four stars began to draw closer to the moon with increasing haste, eager to revive their felled mistress. For the first time in centuries, Celestia allowed a frown to cross her regal face, her head lowered in shame as she remembered her failure those many years ago. However, unseen by the mourning princess, the stars had finally converged, the moon flashing quickly, erasing the Mare in the Moon from existence.

  Celestia didn't need to look: she could feel the new presence in the room with her. It seeped whispers of cold midnight, enveloping her. "It's been a long time, hasn't it, Celestia," came a low and harsh voice echoing controlled rage. She didn't look... she couldn't look at the mare her beloved little sister had become, for she wasn't her darling Luna then. "No witty reprise? No sneak attack? I daresay the years have made you weaker then I imagined."

  "I do have something to say to you, Nightmare Moon," the princess started with great control, still not turning to her to save face. If she could see the tears dripping off her muzzle, she'd never live it down. "Do not underestimate the purple unicorn."

  The next thing she knew, Celestia heard a chorus of insane laughter, and a flash of bright light. What struck her first about her new surroundings was the sudden heat. A curt smile appeared on her lips, as she laughed at the irony; so much like her beloved little sister. She stood on a platform made of magic, standing above a sea of roaring energy and below a curtain of stars. The only thing stopping her from bursting into flames from the sheer heat of the sun was her divinity and immortality.

  So she stood for hours and hours, not moving a single inch. Below her, the sun roared in all its mighty glory, though no pony back home could see it due to Nightmare Moon. Although she only stood there for a couple of hours, they felt like eons to the princess. She could never imagine how much worse it had been for Luna; not only the time, but how close home was. From here, the world was but a blue dot, to Luna, it would have been a massive blue sphere, taunting her mercilessly.

  At long last, Celestia felt the oppressive magic finally lift, but she stood still, allowing a few minutes for her to recompose herself, wiping new tears off her muzzle. She tuned her ears to where she knew the final battle took place, looking for a good point to make a theatrical entrance. The princess let a light smile replace her frown as she heard the young foals comment each other on the new adornments thay had acquired.

  "Gee, Twilight," spoke the Element of Honesty. "I thought you were just spoutin' a lot of hooey, but I reckon we really do represent the Elements of Friendship!"

  That was her cue, using her magic; she sent her omnipotent voice screaming through space and towards the young fillies. "Indeed, you do." Like Nightmare Moon before her, the princess concentrated with all her might, raising the sun to peek over the horizon of Equestria and appeared before the young ponies in a ball of brilliant sunlight that briefly overshadowed the sun itself, literally beaming with pride at the student.

  As she emerged from the sphere of magic, she flared her wings, the other ponies bowing to her as Twilight ran over to her and embraced her. Although she couldn't say so, Celestia had never felt such pride before in her life. It took all her strength to stop tears of joy from leaving her eyes yet; she would save those for her sweet sister. Twilight had worked so hard that she decided to answer her question truthfully, telling her how she saw Nightmare Moon's return and how she had to make some friends and allow true friendship into her heart to stop her.

  "... now if only another will, as well," Celestia spoke sadly, drifting from her spiel. "Princess Luna." Over on the other side of the room, the familiar blue alicorn opened her eyes with a gasp at the voice of her older sister. Her eyes narrowed in sick anticipation of what her sister would do to her for being such a fool... for letting such darkness take hold over her heart and twist her so.

  "It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this. It's time to put our differences behind us." The princess of the sun got down and laid in front of Luna, to show her how sorry she was without making her crane her head up to see the tears forming in her purple eyes. "We were meant to rule together, little sister." The ponies behind them exclaimed softly at this revelation. It only served to remind them of exactly how much time had passed; that their relationship had been smudged by time's hoof.

  "Will you accept my friendship?" Celestia begged, standing to her full height once more, ignoring the others. Right here, right now, only the two alicorns existed, everything else in another universe entirely.

  After what felt like another millennium, Luna finally looked her in the eyes, tears slipping down her midnight cheeks. "I'm so sorry!" The princess of the moon exclaimed, jumping up to meet her, embracing her lovingly. "I missed you so much, big sister!" It was the straw that broke the pony's back; a cascade of tears slipped down Celestia's alabaster face, the happiest she had been in over one thousand years.

  "I've missed you too." More sincere words were never spoken before, or since.

  At last, they were together. At last, she could finally be happy. At last, they were a family again, and she could look to the future in all its glory.

Or so she thought.
Overall Description:

Some things in this world happen by chance. Others do not. Twilight Sparkle is about to learn a disturbing truth that will turn her world upside down.

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Chapter Description: "Dawn"

A look into the past as origins are explained, and a deeper look at the inner workings of the Princess of Equestria. Like the princess herself, most things are laid out in the open, while others remain shrouded in mystery.
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:iconmincraftlily22:
mincraftlily22 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Artist
This is so well writen i love it i wish i could come up with a story as creative as this
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:iconderpyapplejack:
DerpyApplejack Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This was very interesting! Love it!
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:iconnerdypony-headset:
NerdyPony-HeadSet Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Void of spirit? That is not possible. everything has a body and a soul. the brain is solid. the mind is energy and as it is conciousness it is alive.

All things exist because they're alive, and no matter what you do to kill someone and even long after they are dead they will have and always will exist.

There is no such thing as no soul... everything has a soul and so when she created twilight... she had created life as it should exist.
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:iconblazingblaze:
BlazingBlaze Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2013
everything has a soul

That's a matter of opinion.

As for that other line, not everything that exists is alive, dude.
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:iconravastar:
RavaStar Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012   Traditional Artist
Actually, the writer pointed out that Twilight didn't have one, as it is impossible to create one. :)
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:iconnerdypony-headset:
NerdyPony-HeadSet Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well blow me down! Your right! Nice spotting there :D
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:iconravastar:
RavaStar Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012   Traditional Artist
Thank you :3
Reply
:iconnorthernsprint:
NorthernSprint Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this line: "the pony had overwhelming magic, where a void of spirit should have been" seems to have also been use in some various other fan-fics i have read (that is if i am remembering properly)
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:iconpirinjaohthree:
PirinjaOhThree Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It took quite a while to find this. But it was worth it to find the first MLP fanfic I had ever read.
Reply
:iconphr16384:
PHR16384 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing fic is amazing. :wow: I especially liked when Tw*SPOILER'D*
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:iconalexanderan:
Alexanderan Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012
Ouch, my heart hurt a bit after I read that Twilight had no soul.Thank Celestia this is a fic....and a damn good one too.
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:iconaquos4:
Aquos4 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
looks awesome, i'll read it when i have time.
Reply
:iconbrutalityinc:
BrutalityInc Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
So Twilight was just a expendable tool of the very mentor she looked up upon as a mother...

Dark indeed! I am impressed.
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:iconemangamer:
emangamer Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2012
It is an EXTREAMLY well written fic but I have one problem.
Throughout the fic you imply that the ponies all tolerate each other.
Rarity tolerates Twi, Everypony tolerates RD and Pinkie. They ARE friends...
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:iconsoulreavers:
SoulReavers Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2012
Though I'm torn on whether or not I like dark MLP stuff, I must admit this was an amazing story! One of the most interesting pieces of fiction I've read in awhile. Keep up the good work!
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:iconbigmac-x-caramel:
BigMac-X-Caramel Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i have a question. im pretty sure you wrote about the guards in the next chapter but... if you were to write a fanfic about the guards would you give them more color then in the series or would you leave them as is? also about there cutie marks. would you change them? sry if im being a nuisence i just wanted to know
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:icondeadz74:
deadz74 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011
i got to make time and read this in full its just as grim as celestia nightmare on my blog
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:iconsupernova911:
supernova911 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011
its really good :D but the first part all i could think of was fullmetal alchemist XD
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:iconlol1759:
lol1759 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2011  Student Digital Artist
HO SHIT!

DAT ENDING!
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:iconcrashman101:
crashman101 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Finally found this story again have to say it was one of my faves
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:iconxanthur34:
Xanthur34 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2011
When I read this story, I had accidentally started from chapter 2 and went onward from there, it was only until I'd finished it that I noticed I missed this intro chapter. In all honesty though, having read this now, I feel like the story had more impact on me when I DIDN'T know what was going on at first. I felt like I was just as lost and confused as Twilight was at first. Then learning everything was such a shocker.

Anyway, FANTASTIC story! I haven't enjoyed a story like this since To Kill a Mockingbird, and I tell you I love that book. Hoping you keep up the great work!
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:iconbigccv:
BIGCCV Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Que buen inicio, haber como continua XD
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:icondracodei:
DracoDei Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Reactions (and possibly corrections) as I go:
It would be much easier if she could get a volunteer, but she didn't like the idea of destroying a living pony for her own selfish needs. Besides, not just anypony would do. No commoner could ever hope to help her beloved little sister.
-So she is going to MAKE Twilight? Or even all of the Mane Six? That would be my guess... either that or her necromancy will result in the villain of this story. I say "necromancy" because I doubt that she is going to turn herself evil... then again, as a test subject for a tweak to the Elements (the rocks, not the Ponies) so that they will heal her sister, rather than re-banish her or something.

A bucket of clay, a pail of water, a sculptor's chisel: all would be used to finish her creation.
-Ah, so not necromancy or modifications to herself then... we shall see if she creates Twilight, all the Mane Six (she can totally have the foals swapped or modify memories to give them birth-parents), or the villian.


She was a unicorn mare made of naught but clay, with a straight and orderly mane and tail.
-Ok, so probably Twilight, although that would PROBABLY be a "filly" not a "mare", unless some MAJOR memory tweaking is involved (like faking her parents' entire existences in her mind as part of the creation process). Still could turn out to be a failed prototype/first try that turns evil.


Well, actually, she would be her mother anyway, so it all worked out nicely.
-Looks like the parents', as seen in "The Cutiemark Chronicles" are fictions created in Twilight's imagination... unless it IS going to be a "failed prototype".


Not only had she created a masterpiece sculpture, but soon she would create the perfect vessel for her dear Luna's spirit to be poured into. Then, she could kill Nightmare Moon with nothing to hold her back, and finally apologize for not paying enough attention to her beloved sister.
-Ah... I see... so this might be the filly that was discovered in the ruin's of Nightmare's armor, or it could turn out to be Twilight, with a soul that Celestia grows to love, and thus can not sacrifice when push comes to shove... a sacrifice that God (I prefer to see the Sisters as more on the level of Arch-angels, or the Greco-Roman deities as portrayed in C.S. Lewis's work)/fate/whatever honors with Luna's survival. Still could be a horrible mistake that will be the villain of this story.


She almost felt pity for a moment, since she would basically be creating a life for the sole purpose of dying.
-This refines things, but doesn't actually rule out any of the possibilities I mentioned above...


"Take two," she spoke into the nothingness before summoning her strength again.
<Snip>
She was a beautiful filly with a purple coat and navy blue mane, sleeping soundly and happily on the floor.
-Take one could be our villain, take two matches the descriptions of both Twilight (except there aren't any hair streaks) AND Luna-reborn.


Prodding into the sleeping pony, however, the princess saw something she didn't account for; the pony had overwhelming magic, where a void of spirit should have been, and would be unsuitable to hold her sister.
-Ah, Twilight it is... still think the extra mass might become our villain...


It was a minor set-back, given the time she still had, even if it wasn't a lot to a being like her.
-This sentence doesn't quite seem to hold together... I would suggest that you put "minor" when you meant "major", but even that doesn't quite work...

Celestia pondered hard about whom to give the unicorn foal in the basement to. They would need to be married and be close enough to her to trust with the truth.
-Right... no memory messing about with the parents(and perhaps none with Twilight herself), and actual parents... that is the heroic Princess I know and love.


It was refreshing to see such bright colourations on ponies these days.
-A new feature of the race? Perhaps added by herself?


On top of it sat many pictures in gilded frames, some of them rather horrid in quality, but she loved them all the same. Of every student she ever had, the princess would select the best drawing they made and mount it so that she could always see it and remember them.
- Ah yes... immortality... surprisingly it can make the life of a mortal seem all the more precious and fleeting, yes? Many think it would be an unbearable sadness. I think that the ability to savor the brief decades with each friend would be a trait that most immortals would learn, if it was not in-born to them.


On top of the ancient desk, Celestia liked to keep it relatively clean.
-This sentence feels awkward. Try "As for the top of the ancient desk, Celestia liked to keep it relatively clean.", or some such?


The mare and the colt looked stunned for a second, but quickly nodded their heads in understanding.
-I prefer "stallion" for adult male ponies. I realize the implications may be a bit wrong in many people's minds, but it IS the correct term IRL, and it adds more precision, diversity, and richness to the lexicon of the fanfic. The exception to this is when modifying RL words, one should consider the flow. For example: "Fillies and Gentlecolts" (I believe this was in episode 1) flows off the tongue much better than "Mares and Stallions".


It only seemed like yesterday that she became re-united with the small unicorn she created, given the name 'Twilight Sparkle' by her adoptive parents.
-Final confirmation, if any were needed. It does occur to me that people don't generally remember much before a certain age, and with 20 years from her creation to the first time we see her in Episode 1, it seems reasonable that no memory-faking would be necessary. Celestia dodged a bullet there.


"We're not sure if we're ready, or able to raise a foal, Princess. I mean, we're flattered you thought of us, but we're not sure if we can do it."

"I have faith in you both. Besides, sooner or later, I expect this foal to discover and become very interested in magic. When she starts to show this potential, try to enroll her at the academy and you won't have to worry about her anymore," the Regent of the Sun replied.
-Seems like she would know Pony psychology (assuming that it is like human psychology in this regard) better than to think they wouldn't get attached in the years between Twilight first attending the Summer Sun Celebration and the entrance exam where she hatched Spike... then again, offering that out NOW, even if she knows the option wouldn't be likely to be taken would be perfectly appropriate psychological technique to set them at their ease.


Call it a guilty little pleasure, but she had grown fond of those stories, just like how she had grown fond of her gol... of her student.
-"Golem" huh? I wonder if that means that she is physically different, or has an practical implications as far as her biology or how she might react to magic?



How could she send her early without rousing suspicion?
-EARLY?! So either she was planning on cutting it EVEN CLOSER, or she was going to have the Elements do their thing at a later time (perhaps under the pressure of Eternal Night drawing them together, or perhaps she didn't plan on losing to Nightmare Moon the second time around?).


Looking out the large window behind the desk, the princess watched helplessly as the four stars began to draw closer to the moon with increasing haste, eager to revive their felled mistress.
-Should be "fallen mistress" or perhaps "fel mistress".


"Do not underestimate the purple unicorn."
-Seems a bit much to give that much warning... unless she knew that Luna was trapped inside and her words would encourage her.


The only thing stopping her from bursting into flames from the sheer heat of the sun was her divinity and immortality.
-Good... Some people have her banished to the moon, but she comes out of the SUNRISE when she comes back, and... well I like to think that there is something about magic that makes it easier to bind them to the object that is the focus of their greatest power.


-The reunion scene is every bit as touching as in the original... I do wonder if Twilight will discover things and be resentful (I have seen another fic that took that direction, but I don't especially like the idea, as a long-term thing that ends in "I forgive you" rather than "No, you did exactly the right thing by putting me on this path").

Or so she thought.
-And thus we have a plot beyond this point...
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:iconhenryindiana:
HenryIndiana Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2011
So according to this, Twilight Sparkle is a Golem?
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:icondemonpanther:
DemonPanther Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2011
When I read the part about the purple coat and navy blue mane, it wasn't that hard to put two and two together. And here to express my thoughts is M. Night Shyamalon!
"What a twist!!!"
Onto chapter 2!
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:iconxeno-the-hedgehog:
Xeno-the-Hedgehog Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Did you also write that other fic where Twilight falls in love with Princess Luna, finds out she's a golem, frees Celestia from her own possession, and becomes an alicorn?
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:iconciroton:
Ciroton Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2011
Nope, that was written by a guy called 'AVeryStrange' In fact, I Favorited that very story, so you can find it again in my favorites. I have no clue which came first though. It's probably just a coincidence. You'll have to ask the author.
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:iconxeno-the-hedgehog:
Xeno-the-Hedgehog Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
nonetheless, you are both supremely talented authors, and I'm glad I took the time to read your work.
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:iconjustapassingby:
justapassingby Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011
so wait twilight has huge amounts of magic were her soul should be
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:iconsalnax:
Salnax Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011
For some reason, I could hear a thousand shippers crying when you described how Celestia created Twilight.
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:iconapocalypticdusk:
ApocalypticDusk Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
I just read this comment months later, and I lmaod.
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:iconwolfjoebrony:
WolfJoeBrony Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011
The first chapter, after getting this fanfic purposed, ill thought to give it a try. The pre-story about Twilight Sparkle is really dark and shows another, opposite side, of Celestia and it seems nothing happens by chance and that she really likes to stay in control. It remembers me of a really dark vilian creating one of his monsters, instead of creating a little filly unicorn, more like a minion, the only thing which still remembers of Celestia in the Show is the part feeling sad for the golem. Really grew my interest even so the 2nd part is just a retell of the 2nd Episode with Celestias feelings.
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:iconduplexfields:
DuplexFields Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I make it my policy to only fave the first part of a multi-part story. Nevertheless, I do need to inform you that the final chapter IS TOTALLY AWESOME.
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:iconnortherntoe:
northerntoe Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011
"ignoring the abomination before her. "Take two," she spoke into the nothingness before summoning her strength again."

that line was so perfect, funny yet incredibly dark ...........
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:iconleonisgreat:
leonisgreat Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011
I'm kinda confused at one part so I have a question. Was Celestia enraged or something when Twilight sent the letter? If so, why was she angry?

Another question. Why was Twilight created in the first place?
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:iconciroton:
Ciroton Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011
Not enraged, just a little inconvenienced that she disrupted her bath. Also, it's heavily hinted at over the chapter, and even said outright a few times that Twilight was made to free Luna from Nightmare Moon. At first, it would be by serving as her body, but it evolved into her utilizing the Elements of Harmony by making friends.
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:iconleonisgreat:
leonisgreat Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011
Thanks. I was trying not to use enraged but just couldn't think of a better word. I could've just used a simple word like annoyed. Also, I have seen the hints lying here and there, but I was probably not paying much attention to when they did say it.
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:iconrangergxi:
RangerGxi Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011
Or so she thought...


Celestia created Twilight. This will be WIN.
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:iconsgtnolisten:
SgtNolisten Featured By Owner May 24, 2011
The only reason why I'm doing sadness for this is because I've finished what you have so far and, while awsome and "20% Cooler" (couldn't resist), it's hard to see one of your favored characters (though I prefer Applejack and Rainbow Dash more) fall like that.

Great story mate. Another to add to my impressive grimdark collection (spread over ff.net, here, and equestria daily)
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:iconmlpmaconmixx:
mlpMaconMixx Featured By Owner May 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
So Twilight is a golem? I suppose that would make Celestia a Jew?

lol... I'm not crazy. Golems are a Jewish tradition. ;)
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:iconpaprika1:
Paprika1 Featured By Owner May 17, 2011
next chapter plaese
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:iconshikogo:
Shikogo Featured By Owner May 11, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Best fanfic I've seen yet. I haven't read a lot yet, but I think this one is hard to surpass.
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:iconthelovelypenguin:
thelovelypenguin Featured By Owner May 10, 2011
Came here from Equestria Daily. While sad and grimdark fics aren't usually my cup of tea, the premise of this story drew me here anyway. And man, the premise certainly is interesting! I wonder what all is gonna happen. Also, I enjoyed reading about the events of the pilot from Celestia's perspective.

For the most part, the story flowed pretty well mechanically (spelling, grammar, etc). One thing that really bugged me, though, was you used "then" a lot when I think you meant "than." For example: "Even more impressive then Canterlot itself," should be "Even more impressive than Canterlot itself." If you could just fix those errors, I'd say perfect story!

So yeah, fix the spelling errors, and keep up the great work! I can't wait to see where this story goes.
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:iconciroton:
Ciroton Featured By Owner May 10, 2011
Yeah, I've always had a problem with those. I'll keep it in mind for Chapter 3. I'll give you all a hint to the content:

"Sunset - Chapter 3: Eclipse."

Keep an eye open for it. ;D

(Yes, I am a horrible tease, thank you. x3)
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:iconthelovelypenguin:
thelovelypenguin Featured By Owner May 10, 2011
Okie dokie lokie!
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:iconajtalon:
AJTalon Featured By Owner May 10, 2011  Student Writer
Nice idea and so far, it's been well written. Keep up the good work.
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:iconheartsvenom:
heartsvenom Featured By Owner May 3, 2011
Sorry about double post did not think the first one posted...
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:iconheartsvenom:
heartsvenom Featured By Owner May 3, 2011
I am impressed sir.
I applaud your creativity and description.
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:iconheartsvenom:
heartsvenom Featured By Owner May 3, 2011
You have impressed me sir.
I applaud you creativity and description.
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:iconwingzero032:
WingZero032 Featured By Owner May 3, 2011
.... and once aware and acnologed the true reason of it's existence and it's real origins....THE CREATION TURNS AGAINST IT'S CREATOR, NOW AWARE OF THE REAL EXTENT OF IT'S TRUE INFINITE POWER IN A BATTLE THAT WOULD REDEFINE THE FUTURE OF PONYKIND WITH THE POWER OF A THOUSTAND SUNS!!!...or at leatst an overpowered family quarrel of bloddy propotions

also you can put some clues for Twilight about her true nature, like never bleedig while injured(damaged), or if she despite being a 24/7 bookworm can outlast the most atlethic pony of the group (Endurance does not mean speed or strenge) like nothing, of if sleeping feels to her unnesesary, but the books she had read tells otherwhise, or if she has the fastest healing rate,or if she was completly aware of what's happening when she was "tuned into rock statue" or why she had never gotten sick or someting, but especially of how could sha have survived an anvil, a piano, and a heavy loaded cart falling over her concecutively almos at the same time, or things like that the series could not explain (lack of blood while injured)
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